This one's for you...

This new layout is for you, Aggie, and everyone else who was "Hoping and Wishing" for a new picture of Joshua.  I've got more to upload, but the child needs a bottle.  And mama needs a trip to Starbucks and the Sunday paper.

::smooches::

"Look at you, you have a baby...In a bar!"

Yep, that was me.

I was invited out for a post-work drink or two yesterday and as I am severely lacking for socialization these days, Joshua and I went.  (For the record, before y'all get all flustered, it was a restaurant with a bar...a big bar...on the roof. And it was 5:00 o'clock in the evening.  I didn't take my child out for some wild night on the town.  What kind of mother do you think I am?!?)  I enjoyed a couple of Dos Equis Ambers (with lime!) and he enjoyed chewing on my Coach wristlet.  He was amazing.  He sat in my lap and talked to everyone and enjoyed the sunset.  He was great until we left.  Then he cried the whole way home.  He didn't want to leave the party.  He gets that from me.  It was a good start to the weekend.

Also, I haven't pumped since Thursday morning.  And today I had a chocolate milkshake.  It was like sweet nectar from Heaven.

Signs you need wine, or a vacation, or both

Case #1:

Tonight I actually uttered the words "This makes me just want to have the smelly kid" in regards to how difficult it is to bathe my child in the big tub.  I hate that our bathroom is designed so that the toilet is about 12 inches from the tub.  If Dan and I both want to be in the bathroom with Joshua during bath time, one of us has to squeeze between the tub and the toilet.  Since I'm the "bendy" one in this get-up, I'm the lucky winner.  That's not even the big issue here.

The big issue here is that my child is about as coordinated as an elephant trying to dance in The Nutcracker.  I blame his lack of coordination on his father.  (Love you, Dan!)  I think that's why he's not crawling yet.  Or pulling up.  Or any of the other things I feel ridiculously obsessed with getting him to do. (Why?  I have no idea.  Anonymous--I'm talking to you here.  I fully realize that this obsession of mine is ridiculous and no, I don't wish to wish away my child's babyhood.  But I cannot help but compare my child to other children since I have no other children of my own to which I can compare my child.)

So this lack of coordination, coupled with his not napping during the day, makes it so that he's one slippery, cranky mess of a baby.  He doesn't want to sit up the whole time he's in the tub.  He wants us to HOLD him in a standing position.  He doesn't want to try and stand against the side of the tub, nor do I think it'd be safe to let him try that.  And he hates to have his hair washed or his face wiped or well, anything else cleaned up either.  In order to bathe him, I have to stand up and bend over the tub.  And he fights me tooth and nail and I'm afraid he's going to crack his little baby skull wide open on the side of our tub.  This is about as much fun as I'd imagine a root canal to be.

So tonight, I actually said "This makes me want to just have a smelly kid."

Case # 2

I seriously almost cried at the thought that him not taking naps is detrimental to his development.  I am that stressed about how my child doesn't sleep.  And I'm tired because I only got four hours of sleep last night.  And I know that sleep is good.  And I don't know how to teach my child that sleep is good.

I think the fact that I'm a teacher works against me when it comes to Joshua.  I have an understanding of childhood development.  I understand how sleep and nutrition and the right kinds of visual and intellectual stimulation work to help children, well, develop.  And I know that my child isn't getting enough sleep.  But I don't know how to help him get more sleep.

On the weekends, we have little to no trouble getting him to nap when we stick to a routine.  During the week, for.get.it.  He slept for a grand total of 50 minutes over two "naps" today.  This means that he woke up at 7:00 (after waking up for a bottle at 4:00am), and was up for TWELVE HOURS (with the exception of his "naps" of 20 and 30 minutes, respectively). 

One day when he's an ornery teenager and he wants to shut himself up in his room and take naps, I will refuse to allow him to do so and will instead make him mow the yard or walk the dog or something.  No napping when I want you to=no napping when YOU want to, Buster.

Guess what, y'all

Cheese still tastes good, 6.5 months later.


I've been down to one pumping session a day since the nightmare couple of days I had last week where I was only able to pump once.  I think I got over the initial engorgement and then my supply regulated really quickly.  I barely pumped 3 oz. last night before bed.  (Which was bittersweet and more appropriate for another post where I set the Medela PISA on virtual-fire...)

Someone brought in hash brown casserole this morning and I was like OMGMUSTEATTHATNOW.  And I had a little scoop. 

::swoons::

I love cheese.

I've got some dairy-infested milk in the freezer to donate, so I'm going to add whatever I pump tonight to that stash and donate that as well. 

Did I mention that I love cheese?

An Unhealthy Obsession

Why are baby shoes so expensive?  This makes no sense to me at all.  I mean, one could argue that since babies can't walk, shoes are unnecessary.  I get that.  But they're so damn cute.

Take these for instance:  RileyRoos

These shoes are just too adorable.  Joshua needs a pair.  In a bad way.  Because they are cute. 

But I cannot see paying MORE for shoes for a child who DOES NOT YET WALK than I would spend on shoes for myself.  And I have a hard time spending more than $20 on a pair of shoes for me.  Seriously.  Target and Old Navy are my go-to stores for shoes because they are cute and cheap.  Sure, they only last for a season and a half.  But shoes go out of style every year.  Joshua would probably outgrow these in LESS than a season, so why would I spend $35 on them!!?  (Or $32...whatever!) 

I also love these:  Robeez

At one point, I laughed and laughed and laughed at how ridiculous I thought Robeez were.  Then I became a mother and someone bought me a pair.  In a desperate attempt to keep socks on my child's feet, I put the Robeez on him and lo and behold they were the cutest things I'd EVER seen in my LIFE.  Thus began my obsession with all things Robeez. 

However, because I'm a supreme cheapskate, I cannot pay $20 for these, much less full price.  Because he outgrows them entirely too quickly.  I'm thinking (actually, I'm planning on) putting many pairs of these (okay, three or four) on his Christmas Wishlist.  I love them that much. 

And while the pair he currently has (of Ministars by Bobux, but not this pair exactly) gets a great deal of wear and has a great price, I want a little variety.  I want a pair for every day of the week.  What can I say?  I like to have a well-dressed child.  It makes me feel a little better about my own hurriedly-thrown-together appearance.  But my local Target caters to girls' attire and not little boys'.  Apparently girls need to be perfectly coiffed at all times.  Boys can run naked through the streets, because, well, they're boys, right? 

And TJ Maxx?  Forget it.  Unless I want my child looking like he's ready to star in a Baby Hip-hop music video, I needn't even attempt shopping there for more than plain white onesies I can embellish with neckties and fabric paint.

I even have a friend who MADE him a couple of pairs of shoes (Hi Rebecca!) that are adorable!  (And if I had time and a little more patience, I could probably get into my sewing room and make these too.  But I'm too instant-gratification for that.  And I'm skeered of screwing up and wasting fabric.)

I need baby shoes.  Joshua needs baby shoes.  We NEED baby shoes like an addict needs a fix. 

But my son has a mother who suffers from SERIOUS Buyer's Remorse and so, he might just end up running naked through the streets one day after all...

Let's hope he makes it to college first.

Talk me down from the ledge

I am having such an emotional day.  SUCH an emotional day.

It started with a fight over the dog and shared responsibilities around the house and how I'm feeling overwhelmed.  Progressed to me leaving my super yummy lunch (and breakfast) on the kitchen counter where it is now ruined (and I hate wasting food).  And culminated in me feeling a giant case of Mommy fail.

Annie decided that Joshua's bath toys are AWESOME snacks.  AWESOME.  So she ate one.  There's probably a drying pile of dog puke on my rug at home as I type this.  Fab.  Joshua loved that toy (I should say "toys" since this is the second one she's eaten this week...).  I want to cry because my child can't play with that toy anymore and they were a gift so I don't know where they came from and why can't I just be responsible and pick up the damn toys instead of leaving them on the side of the tub. 

I busted my ass on Tuesday to clean parts of the house and asked Dan to clean the kitchen.  It hasn't been done yet.  In his defense (y'all, seriously, I'm defending him because I love him) he started a new job this week (WOOT!) and has been mentally overwhelmed and exhausted this week because of all the new things he has to learn to do.  I get that sort of exhaustion.  I really do.  But this morning, I snapped and it wasn't pretty.  I feel like we don't appreciate each other and I feel like we fight all the time and I don't know how to fix it and I want to cry.

I was in a furious rage while I finished getting ready this morning.  I loaded my stuff in the car but left my lunch sitting on a counter that is not by the coffee pot.  Then, I got the boy and loaded him into the car and got all the way to work before realizing that I did not, in fact, have anything to eat.  Because of ye olde dairy, it's not like I could swing through McDonald's and get a biscuit, or visit the school cafeteria (yuck!) for lunch.  The prospect of having no food made me want to cry (and the fact that I'm still dizzy and swimmy-headed from too much coffee, the inability to breathe through my nose, and not consuming my regular number of calories in a day isn't helping).

(Thankfully, a co-worker rescued me from no-food-land by going to Subway and getting me a sandwich.  Otherwise, I'd be passed out in a mobile unit somewhere from low blood sugar.  But I'm still starving.)

Then, while milking myself like a good dairy cow (because I need a bottle to give my kid before I feed him dinner tonight and since he won't be going home until after dinner, I have to feed him at school), I read a blog and saw a baby younger than Joshua who regularly gets himself into a sit and who is already pulling himself up.  I literally almost lost it just a minute ago.

Things like this make me feel like I'm doing something incredibly wrong.  Like I'm somehow failing my child because he can't pull himself up to standing at almost 8 months old.  Like I haven't given him enough experiences or opportunities to work on skills like these.  For crying out loud, he isn't even crawling yet. 

I don't know why I care.  I don't know why this bothers me.  I don't know why I even keep up with what other babies are doing.  But right now, I feel like bawling my eyes out.  I just want to cry for days because I feel like my kid is "behind" somehow.  WHY DOES IT MATTER?!?!  WHY AM I PUTTING THESE SORTS OF EXPECTATIONS ON AN INFANT~!?!?!  WHY!?!?!

I have no idea.

But I'm about to cry about it. 

Something I've wanted to do for a while

I started this blog as a way to process my thoughts about trying to conceive, being pregnant, and being a mommy, and I love this blog.  But my work life didn't fit into this equation.

So, I did what any good blogger would do.

I started another blog for work related thoughts.

Tales of the Teacher Lady

Happy Tuesday!